How to Save Your Marriage

Marriage can be full of joy, but it can also be full of pain.  For some couples, it seems the joy has been gone for so long that it is impossible to ever get it back.  But it doesnt have to be that way.  When it comes to how to save your marriage, there are a lot of things you can do to start getting your relationship back on track.  But you must be willing to look at yourself and make the necessary changes.  Change isn’t easy, but if how to save your marriage is really a priority for you, then keep reading.

What are you bringing to the relationship?

One of the first things you need to do when it comes to how to save your marriage is to sit down and make a list of what you are actually contributing to the relationship.  This is not a list for things like making money to pay the mortgage, or cleaning the house, or doing the grocery shopping.

Rather, in what ways are you making the relationship good or bad?  Are you constantly nit-picking at your spouse’s short-comings?  Do you express heartfelt appreciation frequently that your spouse is in your life, or for the wonderful things your spouse does for you?  Are you supportive? Do you listen when your partner needs to talk about something that is bothering him or her?  Are you loving and affectionate?

Your marriage is like a bank account.  You are either making deposits into it or withdrawing from the account.  If you are mostly making withdrawals, the bank account will eventually run dry.  You must be making plenty of deposits also if you learning how to save your marriage is important to you.


The Real Key is Not to Settle for an OK Marriage. There is Nothing Great about Being Just OK. Great Marriage Never End. Isn’t That What You’re Aiming For?
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Is your marriage a two-way street, or must everything always be on your terms?

Some people don’t know how to be in a relationship without trying to control it.  If you are the type of person who has to have everything happen on your terms, then you are not only being incredibly selfish, you are also treating your spouse with disrespect.  And maybe your spouse has put up with it for a long time, but if how to save your marriage is a concern for you, chances are it is because your spouse has had enough.

A marriage is meant to be a partnership, not a dictatorship in which one person calls all the shots and expects the other to “obey”.  Attempting to control your spouse will usually foster resentment.  Your spouse is a separate human being whose wants and needs may not always coincide with yours.  Compromise is essential to a good marriage.  Honoring and respecting his or her feelings, wants and needs instead will go a long way towards creating a healthier, more loving relationship.

Are you being passive-aggressive in your marriage?

While controlling behavior is very destructive to a relationship, passive-aggressive behavior is as well.  Passive-aggressive individuals attempt to get their needs met in very unhealthy ways.  Rather than speaking up and expressing their true needs or feelings, they say one thing and then act in a way which subtly or not so subtly contradicts it, usually in an attempt to get back at the other person.

For example, a passive-aggressive wife may tell her husband its fine if he wants to spend the day golfing with his friends.  However, in actuality she is not happy about it all and decides to get back at him by “accidentally” putting a new red shirt in the wash with his underwear as she does laundry that day.   Needless to say, this is also destructive to a marriage and defeats the goal of how to save a marriage.

These are just a few questions to ask yourself if you are worried about your marriage.  The only person you can change is yourself, so if you are wondering how to save a marriage, you must start with making changes in how you interact with your spouse.  As you make positive changes, you will likely find that your spouse does also.


The Real Key is Not to Settle for an OK Marriage. There is Nothing Great about Being Just OK. Great Marriage Never End. Isn’t That What You’re Aiming For?
We want to help you [click here]


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Does Marriage Counseling Work

If you and your spouse are going through a difficult time in your marriage, you may be considering marital therapy.  But you also may be reluctant to pursue it if you are wondering, does marriage counseling work?  Well, there is no definitive answer to that as the success of any type of counseling always depends on many different factors.  Many couples do find it to be extremely beneficial to their relationship.  Others feel it was useless or helped very little.  This article explores some of the factors that are necessary to answer “yes” to the question, “Does marriage counseling work?”.

You both are committed to working on the relationship

An essential factor for any type of therapy or counseling to be effective is that the person receiving it must be committed to the process and to improving the situation.  For couples, if only one of you is committed to working through your relationship problems while the other is resistant, the answer to the question, “does marriage counseling work?” is more than likely going to be “no”.

Counseling is a collaborative process between the client and the therapist.  The greatest marriage counselor on the planet is going to have limited success with someone who has no desire to truly work on the relationship.  It has to be a two way street. Sometimes resistance to the therapy process can be overcome, particularly with an exceptionally experienced and skilled therapist, but it will be very difficult.

You have a counselor with whom you both feel comfortable

Another key factor with regards to the question, “does marriage counseling work?” is whether or not you have a counselor with whom you both feel comfortable.  No therapist is a good fit for everyone.  If this is the case, you and your spouse would be better off to find a different therapist to work with.  Too much is at stake to try to force a therapeutic relationship that doesn’t feel right for both of you.

You are both willing to do the work

Talking in and of itself will only go so far in terms of bringing about the desired changes in your relationship.  While it can be helpful to have a safe place to discuss your feelings and concerns, there needs to be more.  Many therapists will give you exercises or homework to do between sessions.  These exercises help to reinforce what you are learning in therapy and give you an opportunity to practice new skills which you can discuss each week. The more you and your spouse participate and do the work, the more likely the answer to your question, “does marriage counseling work?” will be yes.

Sticking with it and tolerating the pain

Two other very crucial elements in terms of the question, “does marriage counseling work” are:

• You stick with it
• You are willing to tolerate things getting worse before they get better

A lot of people drop out of counseling at some point.  They get discouraged or don’t like the process and assume the answer to, “does marriage counseling work?” is “no”.

One of the main reasons people drop out is because things often get worse before they improve.  A good therapist will prepare you for this upfront.  Marriage counseling is going to open up some wounds and address some painful issues.  Initially, that can seem to create even more pain.  But it is akin to the necessity of cleaning out an infected wound so it can finally heal.  The cleaning process is painful, but it must happen or the wound will never go away.

If each of these factors is present for you and your spouse, then the answer to the question, “does marriage counseling work?”, is very often a resounding yes.  It is not going to be easy, and it may be a lengthy process.  But if you really want your marriage to be healthy and strong, the rewards are definitely worth it!

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