How to Save Your Marriage

Marriage can be full of joy, but it can also be full of pain.  For some couples, it seems the joy has been gone for so long that it is impossible to ever get it back.  But it doesnt have to be that way.  When it comes to how to save your marriage, there are a lot of things you can do to start getting your relationship back on track.  But you must be willing to look at yourself and make the necessary changes.  Change isn’t easy, but if how to save your marriage is really a priority for you, then keep reading.

What are you bringing to the relationship?

One of the first things you need to do when it comes to how to save your marriage is to sit down and make a list of what you are actually contributing to the relationship.  This is not a list for things like making money to pay the mortgage, or cleaning the house, or doing the grocery shopping.

Rather, in what ways are you making the relationship good or bad?  Are you constantly nit-picking at your spouse’s short-comings?  Do you express heartfelt appreciation frequently that your spouse is in your life, or for the wonderful things your spouse does for you?  Are you supportive? Do you listen when your partner needs to talk about something that is bothering him or her?  Are you loving and affectionate?

Your marriage is like a bank account.  You are either making deposits into it or withdrawing from the account.  If you are mostly making withdrawals, the bank account will eventually run dry.  You must be making plenty of deposits also if you learning how to save your marriage is important to you.


The Real Key is Not to Settle for an OK Marriage. There is Nothing Great about Being Just OK. Great Marriage Never End. Isn’t That What You’re Aiming For?
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Is your marriage a two-way street, or must everything always be on your terms?

Some people don’t know how to be in a relationship without trying to control it.  If you are the type of person who has to have everything happen on your terms, then you are not only being incredibly selfish, you are also treating your spouse with disrespect.  And maybe your spouse has put up with it for a long time, but if how to save your marriage is a concern for you, chances are it is because your spouse has had enough.

A marriage is meant to be a partnership, not a dictatorship in which one person calls all the shots and expects the other to “obey”.  Attempting to control your spouse will usually foster resentment.  Your spouse is a separate human being whose wants and needs may not always coincide with yours.  Compromise is essential to a good marriage.  Honoring and respecting his or her feelings, wants and needs instead will go a long way towards creating a healthier, more loving relationship.

Are you being passive-aggressive in your marriage?

While controlling behavior is very destructive to a relationship, passive-aggressive behavior is as well.  Passive-aggressive individuals attempt to get their needs met in very unhealthy ways.  Rather than speaking up and expressing their true needs or feelings, they say one thing and then act in a way which subtly or not so subtly contradicts it, usually in an attempt to get back at the other person.

For example, a passive-aggressive wife may tell her husband its fine if he wants to spend the day golfing with his friends.  However, in actuality she is not happy about it all and decides to get back at him by “accidentally” putting a new red shirt in the wash with his underwear as she does laundry that day.   Needless to say, this is also destructive to a marriage and defeats the goal of how to save a marriage.

These are just a few questions to ask yourself if you are worried about your marriage.  The only person you can change is yourself, so if you are wondering how to save a marriage, you must start with making changes in how you interact with your spouse.  As you make positive changes, you will likely find that your spouse does also.


The Real Key is Not to Settle for an OK Marriage. There is Nothing Great about Being Just OK. Great Marriage Never End. Isn’t That What You’re Aiming For?
We want to help you [click here]


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Counseling for Marriage

Many couples reach a point in their marriage when they feel they are at an impasse.   They may have tried to overcome a serious problem or crisis on their own, and realized over time that perhaps getting counseling for marriage problems they are experiencing is a better approach.  And while counseling won’t help every marriage, it does help many couples every day.  For some marriages, it has not only helped, it has kept the couple from ending up in divorce court.

So, how do you determine if marriage counseling is something you and your spouse should pursue?  You may be thinking that there is no way you want to air your dirty laundry in front of a total stranger, no matter how difficult things are right now.  You may also be feeling that counseling for marriage is far too expensive.  This article will address these two frequent concerns and provide you with some things to consider if you are trying to decide whether to seek professional help for your situation.

I don’t want to talk to a stranger about our problems.

This is a common objection with which many people struggle when the idea of counseling for marriage is being considered.  What you need to realize is that one of the reasons marital therapy can be very helpful is because the therapist, as a stranger, is in a neutral and objective position.

If you have tried to talk to or seek advice from family or friends, you have probably found that they are too close to the situation to be helpful.  They may have an emotional bias which makes it difficult to keep perspective regarding your situation.  This in turn will color any advice they may try to offer.  In some cases, talking to family members or close friends can make the situation even worse.

This is one reason why counseling for marriage can be very helpful.  Once you start developing a rapport with the therapist, you will likely appreciate how safe it actually feels to discuss your problems with someone who isn’t going to take sides and who can look at your situation from a fresh perspective.

Counseling is too expensive.

Therapy does cost money.  You are paying for a highly trained professional to provide a valuable service.  However, you need to consider how much more expensive getting a divorce will be.  For the cost of a divorce, not to mention all the pain and grief that often accompany it, counseling for marriage is usually much less expensive – in fact, often by thousands of dollars.  When you look at it like this you may reconsider the objection that you can’t afford it.  And there may be some options if finances are truly an issue.

In many cities there are clinics which offer counseling services for a reduced fee either based on income qualifications, or because the therapists are graduate students under supervision.  Also, you don’t necessarily have to go weekly.  You may be able to go every other week, which will make counseling for marriage more affordable for you as you reduce the overall monthly cost by spreading the appointments out a bit.

Both of these objections to counseling for marriage are very common.  You are not alone if they have crossed your mind.  But if your marriage has reached a crisis point hopefully you will carefully weigh the alternatives if you do not get some help.

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